It’s been one year since my husband and I said “I Do”, and life has certainly changed in the past 12 months. Would the same changes have occurred if I hadn’t gotten married last summer? What I noticed as I planned my own wedding, and now having seen people since being married, is that everyone becomes an expert – even those who aren’t engaged or married (or even in a relationship). From your mom to your mother-in-law, to an old high-school friend you haven’t spoken to in years, they all have something to say about your wedding. They also seem to know a lot about how your first year of marriage will play out. Are they right?
Keep reading as I delve into a few comments I’ve personally heard or been asked about in our first year of marriage.
The 1st Year is the Hardest
If the first year is the hardest, our marriage will be a breeze. I don’t believe this myth for a second. If this is your first time living together, expect an adjustment period. You just gained a 24/7 roommate and you may see a couple of their traits you’re not a fan of. If you’ve already lived together though, you may not even feel like much changes right away. Remember that your first year of marriage is just that, one year. Don’t make assumptions about the rest of your life based on one year…so many things can and will affect different times in your life. If this first year has been difficult, make a change and take control of your relationship.
You’ll Stop Caring About What You Look Like
One of the things I LOVE about my husband, is that he doesn’t dress to the nines every day. This is not to say that he dresses like a bum, or doesn’t take care of himself. Quite the opposite really! He has great style and genuinely cares about his appearance – just not in a way that makes you feel under-dressed in jeans and a cute sweater. Myself on the other hand, I still wake up to brush my teeth and wash my face, but sometimes, I stop after face cream and call it a day. The point is, it matters less whether you stop caring about your appearance for your partner; it matters more that you care about what you look like for yourself.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
No. As a Wife, I do not stand by this statement. Marriage is not about being “happy” 24/7. It’s not about fighting or arguing every moment you spend together. To agree with your partner – even when you disagree, to avoid difficult or uncomfortable conversations, to feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your own home…this is no way to live. Marriage is a partnership. It’s challenging your spouse to be the best they can be, and supporting them when they need it in every capacity. A happy life is the result of a life fully-lived, not because you made someone else happy at your own expense.
Intimacy Becomes Boring
It makes me sad to think people experience this in their first year of marriage. What changed when you signed that piece of paper? If you believe the fire has burnt out, try relighting it before feeling down on your marriage. Intimacy can start with something as “small” as a morning text or note that reminds your partner you’re thinking of them. Just remember, love and sex aren’t supposed to be scheduled in your calendar.
Marriage is 50/50
“I vow to always remember that marriage is not 50/50 but 100% every day.”
I said these exact words on our wedding day as we made our vows, and I stand by it now. If you’re not willing to give yourself, your partner, and your family 100% every day, why get married at all? Why be in a relationship? Why would you put someone else in the position to be with a person who refuses to give a little effort? Maybe your 100% isn’t the same every day – that’s okay! If you’re under the weather, in a funk, feeling good, or feeling great, your 100% will look and feel different. What’s important, is that you GIVE your 100% every day.
Having Children Will Save Your Marriage
Please don’t bring a child into this world to “save” your marriage. Communication is so important in ALL relationships, not just marriage. If you’re having problems, you need to talk to each other. Make time to spend with each other, share a hobby, join a club, and consider counseling if you need or want a biased third-party involved. Children, like other life-changing events, should be discussed before marriage. It’s not a pet rock we’re talking about here, if you and your partner are not on the same page, you aren’t finished talking.
Our first year of marriage has truly been amazing. Not because it’s been perfect, far from it at times…but, because no matter how hard our days are, whether we argue about laundry, or waste a weekend on the couch, I’m married to my best friend. He is someone I love coming home to; the guy I love sharing my life with. Here’s to the next year of marriage and all of the years after that.
xx The Grateful Brunette
Agree or disagree? Have something to add? Comment below and let me know!